by Benny Haong
A Young Student Testing
by Benny Haong
Benny is a student of mine who has trained with me since he was a little
guy and has graduated to the adult classes in the last year. Benny wrote this account of
his second Brown Belt Test as a project for school. I thought it was worth sharing with
you.
- George Ledyard
I knew I had to prepare for my 2nd kyu test, so I started to practice months before the actual test happened. I would come to the dojo after-school, or stay at the dojo after teaching my youth beginner class so that I could review all the material that I needed to know. I had to make sure I could remember all the hand techniques, the koshinages, and all the weapons requirements and perform them well. Taking this test was one of the most important things for me to do. This test would show my abilities and what I could accomplish through hard training and persistence.
It was the evening of October 7th, 1998. I would be taking my 2nd kyu test at Aikido Eastside, my home dojo. I sat there on the mat watching the others take their test. I would be the last one to test, since I was testing for a higher rank than the others. The room was very quite, the eyes of the viewers seemed to be glued towards the people testing. The smell of sweat filled the air, which gave it a distinct locker room odor. The anxiety seemed to build as my time to test came closer and closer. Friends and family members had come to see this special occasion, for me, it was my best friend Jay. It lightened my anxiety a little knowing that Jay was there.
Everyone that was testing before me was done. The sweat condensed and dripped down my forehead as I started to get up, the feeling of "butterflies in your stomach" had overpowered what little self-confidence I had left. I could feel my legs shake and as I stood, I was desperate to not take the test, not wanting to be seen as a failure. In my mind, I would hear the words "What if I don’t pass?" repeated over and over like a record player attempting to play a scratched record.
As my Sensei called out test techniques, I knew what they were, but there were a few that I wasn’t confident in, so I faked my way through it. My Sensei also called out for new partners, which was something I wasn’t really prepared for. I had to switch partners for the tanto dori, tachi dori, koshinage, and the hand techniques. My test went well, though there were a few mistakes here and there, but I didn’t show that I realized that I made the mistakes.
I could remember earlier in the day asking my Sensei if rondori would be on the test. His reply to me was "It’s not on the test, but it would be good for you to know it." It was towards the end of my test, when Sensei called up more partners. I was confused at that point. Once the partners he had selected came up, he called out rondori. I had wished so hard that he wouldn’t have me do that technique. I figure, since I am one of his senior students, he would be "pushing the envelope" with my abilities. I wasn’t the only one who could acknowledge that about Sensei. He seemed to enjoy putting his students on the spot.
Sensei finally said "finish." It felt like the pressure was lifted off my shoulders. During class days, I usually do terrible with rondori. Yet somehow, today was different. I felt like a totally different person. Letting my full potential expand out of my little body. My spirit filled with determination to take my opponents to the floor. I never knew why doing rondori was so difficult for me. It was probably that I could never handle situations well that dealt with many people. After my partners and I sat back down, I could finally stop to breath normally and to relax.
After the tests were over, congratulations and hugs went around to the people who had passed the test. The quietness that had first filled the dojo during the start of the test, was now filled with chatter, laugher and smiles. With all the noise that filled the dojo, it was as if the test never took place, but it did. Everyone slowly got changed and started to head out the door towards their car for a celebration dinner.
As a tradition after tests, everyone, except for Sensei, would go to Red Robin to celebrate everyone accomplishments. I felt different after the test because my social status changed within a few hours. I was a senior student to those who trained there longer than I did. They were all my senior students the day before, but now, I am their senior student. I looked around the table, the many faces that I knew. I didn’t think of them as upper class men or underclass men, I thought of them as friends. Friends who help each other, friends who laugh and joke together. Friends who will be there for you, no matter the cost.